Judging by how they carry themselves, conductors must have gone to the same school. If you use matatus for transport, you know that better than anybody else.
On a brighter side though, there are a few who are courteous and respectful, the rest are cut from the same cloth; they all seem to have annoying habits that cut across the board.
If you constantly use public transport then you have definitely had one or two altercations with unruly matatu touts. Some of them are our boyfriends and have very distinctive traits, below are some of them:
While some personal space is very important, some Kenyan matatu touts have no regard for it and will come so close to you despite the fact that they have not showered or brushed their teeth.
Others simply recycle dirty clothes over and over again. Let’s just say this is one of the worst experiences you might have in a matatu as a passenger.
Not all would fall in this list, some Kenyan touts cannot do without chewing khat (Miraa) and, the most annoying thing happens when a roll similar to a ball is seen on the side of their mouth.
Chipos Many women
He is a flirt sis!! Girls love touts. Anyway, a majority of women would fall for a guy who handles cash and talks of “gari yangu”. He will brag about it; “gari yangu” and lure many women his way, and will take advantage of having the latest ride in town and easily ask contacts from ladies.
Maroon is all over his closet
Well, this might be too obvious but with the regulation to put on their maroon uniform, you hardly expect them to have exclusive jeans and shirts. Their pay is not as much to afford some luxuries like LC Waikiki’s jeans and all you will find is their uniform.
He replaces ‘Babe’ with ‘Siste’ in the bedroom
Maybe we should blame the nature of his work? I think not. How would someone refer to you as siste and all you need at that moment are some pet names and sweet words? Be warned, babe!
Many would wonder how we know this, but there is no lady who has never had a tout attempting to touch her backside, waist or shoulders in the pretext of being ushered into or outside a matatu. Truth is Makanga’s hands are very itchy and rough, it would be an insult to ask your makanga boyfriend to give you a ‘soft touch’.
Ever encountered a matatu conductor who just hurls insults at you because you refused to board his bus?
They mostly target women who ignore or dismiss their advances. You ask him or her a question with utmost courtesy only to be bombarded with a barrage of insults and foul language. You are left wondering, did he rehearse in the morning what to tell me?